*Does life ever get any better???*

I sit here and wonder constantly. will life ever get any better? Will I ever get to where I WANT TO BE in my life? I see my friends walking around happy and getting everything that I want and having everything that I want... when will it be my turn?I dont want to settle JUST to get what I want .... so I suppose all I can do is wait. 

And the waiting is what kills me the most... I work my ass off on a daily and nightly basis to make money to live just like everyone else. But the hard part about my job is... I can raise other peoples kids and go home to nothing. I want my own kids... I want my own husband... and I want my own life... hopefully it comes sooner than later because I would hate to die alone. Biggest fear in life... biggest fear in anyones life I think. 

Lets see where has my life been the last couple weeks... well I am going to visit my sisters and mom next week which is MUCH NEEDED. because they are the only people who keep me sane and let me know that my life is worth living day to day. I truly love them all and cannot WAIT to be with them. 

I have been drinking a little more than Id like to these last few months and I would give anything to just stop. But its nearly impossible at the moment so hopefully something gets me to snap out of it. I am over my breakup... I think my breakup is what made this horrible downward spiral... get out of control though. I just cant seem to deal with it in the correct ways. So Ive resorted to my old habits of alcohol pills and cutting occasionally which is horrible... but its something that I need help for I guess.... All I can say is that to all of you out there with families... kids.. boyfriends.. a close family... hold onto them for dear life... because there are people out there.... like myself... who would give anything to be in your shoes....

-Brittany