Where Do I Begin

Where do I begin? I have been through more than the average 25 year old. And everything Ive been through has made me the strong person I am today. Sure I may trust NOONE... but that doesnt mean Im not willing to eventually let someone COMPLETELY break down my emotional barriers one by one. It just is going to take some time. Ive been hurt by friends...family... perfect strangers.... boyfriends...but I have faith that one day I will live a normal life again. It all changed at the age of 15. I think I can confidently say that was the year I stopped trusting. I was hurt.... cheated on.... and beat down to the ground emotionally by the one I loved... and therefore... swore to myself I would never let someone all the way in again. But that is no way to live... its going to guarantee that every one of my relationships hit roadblocks if I dont trust anymore. Thats why I have chosen to slowly let the world back into my life. And if I happen to get hurt AGAIN... so be it. At least I can say I tried. Because closing yourself off to the world. Isnt living at all. Some people may say "well the whole world always knows your life... you always post your life on facebook." Well no I do not... and this blog is going to allow me to post everything thats on my mind at all times. It may offend people... it may hurt people... and it even may make me accumulate even more haters.... but it doesnt matter. I am laying it all out there from now on. Beginning now.

I can tell you all right now and someone of you may say "get over it it was 11 years ago" but discussing this with my boyfriend last night really opened my eyes to how much journal writing helped me through extremely hard times... 11 years ago I was more hurt than Ive ever been in my life. I was with Josh... and he ruined me... my trust in people... and I feel made me the person I dont want to be. Closed off and mean.

I was cheated on... lied to... and ripped to pieces on a daily basis. I stayed around for 2 years... and even let it go for years and years and went back to it. People can change yes... but you build the foundation of who you are when you are in high school... you make mistakes but you are supposed to learn from them... not continue to hurt the people you love. And thats what happened with that. Ever since November 15th 2001.... my life changed dramatically.

Ever since then I have brushed off the nicest guys on the planet... hurt them.... ripped THEM apart... and have never let anyone into my world 100%. I think its time to start changing that. And I think its time to start allowing LOVE.... into my life. I Love love and LOVE my boyfriend. And eventually will allow him all the way into my world. Because hes done nothing to make me not give him all of my trust.

I am going to start blogging instead of journal writing.... and will not be holding anything back at this point .... you can choose to read it and be a part of it.... or just ignore.  Blaaaaaaaah.............

-Brittany