I cannot believe the absolute hell I have been through these last few months. On June 11th,2011....I feel like everything just fell apart. Everything I thought was going to happen in my future... just went down the drain. I was dumped... again. For the 4th time in a year. And I was officially drained mentally....physically... emotionally and I dont wish what I went through on ANYBODY. Not even the person who caused this. My ex boyfriend truthfully put me through hell. The day he left me I officially went into the deepest depression I ever went through... since my gram died. And I promised myself I would never allow myself to get that low again. But unfortunately I did. I started drinking excessively... to the point of blackout... I lost a job... I never wanted to work.. or leave my house. I left for a couple weeks to get away from here... I physically started to hurt myself... I didnt eat. I just lost myself and who I was. I ended up in the hospital and realized I needed a change.
This is when I started my therapy. Therapy was my out... it was my way of saying things to somebody that was no longer sick of hearing the same old story. Because everyone including myself KNEW that my relationship was toxic. And for all of you who think that I WAS the problem in my relationship... you are completely wrong. I did anything and everything to help save my relationship.
Ill never forget the day I realized I loved him... it was in September of 2010.... he was away at school. I dragged my cousin Shannon out of the house at 8pm to drive all the way to ISU... and bring him soup... medicine... a card... a bunch of things because he was sick.. and just to tell him I love him. didnt get back home until around 2am. Would he ever do something like that? no. his money bought his happiness.... and that was sad... I drove him everywhere and anywhere due to his DUI incident... and once he got his license back... he was good to go... dumped me....wanted to party every night. and I just wasnt that person. therefore we broke up.
I honestly felt dead for 3 WHOLE entire months. And I am finally better and ready to start a REAL mature.... fun life in which nobody can try and change the person that I am. Nobody will ever change me and you should NEVER let anyone change you.
My nephew Axton Daniel was born July 5th! The best week Ive had is going to visit my mom... sisters... brothers... and sister in law:) They really brought the life back into me and made me realize that there is much more out there and that no man is worth my tears..... NO MAN. I thank them... and my mom... and dad... and close friends for truly getting me out of my terrible state of mind.
-Brittany
No comments:
Post a Comment