Hurting yourself is never the best option....

I am going to write this because I feel like there are more people out there than we all know... going through the same thing that I have gone through... and people need to know there are other options out there besides hurting yourself....

In June 2011 I completely lost myself.... I was the strongest person that I knew... I was strong... independent.... and knew where I was going in life... and one little thing threw my entire life off track... and it made me feel out of control of myself... I wish this upon NOONE. I hope the people in my life can stay strong and never have to resort to the things that I have....

In June 2011.... I didnt know what else to do...I felt like everyone in my life was sick of hearing about my problems... it was the same thing over and over and over again... and honestly... I never knew a cutter. I never knew anything about it. But one night I was given a pocket knife for protection. Who wouldve thought 2 months later I would actually end up using it as a self inflicting pain mechanism on myself.

I sat in my own home one night feeling as out of control of myself as Ive ever felt... I liked the physical pain of anything... I got piercings and tattoos weekly but I figured I couldnt keep doing that to keep my mind off of the emotional pain that I was feeling. So I took that pocketknife... and I cut... one big incision in my leg.... and little did I know I would continue to keep opening the same incision for 4 months after that. I wasnt the typical cutter... I didnt touch my wrists.. I didnt want to kill myself... I wanted to feel pain. And I did....

I did every single night for 4 months.... I re opened the same exact cut.... over and over and over again... and to people this sounds absolutely insane... but I guarantee you that at least one person you know probably does this but doesnt speak of it... my cut is hidden... until I decided to tell my mother about it... which reached my father... and from there on I called my mom and dad every single time I had the thought of cutting... I couldnt explain the thought of me enjoying the physical pain rather than the emotional pain... they thought I was crazy... HOW CAN YOU explain this to your parents ? You cant... but what they did was understood that my emotional pain was overpowering my life.... and making myself feel painevery single night was far better than feeling the heartbreak.... every single second... every second felt like an hour... and every hour felt like a year....

I promise you it gets better....... and noone should ever resort to this... EVER... but I am also telling you that I have been there... and I know exactly what you are going through if youve been in this situation ..... and if you have been? I am always here to talk... ALWAYS... and getting help is always the #1 thing todo if you feel this way...

you have people who may say "omg what a crazy  bitch.. who the fuck does this... what a crazy bitch!" but those people have truly never felt out of control of themselves to the point that I have....  IT GETS BETTER... I PROMISE YOU....